and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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