I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
