i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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