so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
