Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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