At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have demons in me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
