I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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