I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
