The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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