haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
