I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
