Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He? As in you personified your dick?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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