I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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