Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
