I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
