i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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