Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
