yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
