her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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