Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
