the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
