I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
