Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
