I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
