he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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