this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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