Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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