TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
