You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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