I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
