Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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