He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
