I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
