i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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