if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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