I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
