now i know why i became what i already was.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
