So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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