I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize