There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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