Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I cut my penus on the lid.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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