im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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