i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
