seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you win again, gameday.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wear drunk well.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
