what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
