Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
