I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
