out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
