Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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