He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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