My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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