you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
