If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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