at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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