he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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