That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Enjoy the penises
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
