Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
