I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
