One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God, I missed his penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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