the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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