I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
