Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
