I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
