You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
