what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this boner is exhausting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
