I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
