Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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