Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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